The C Word
I have been around cancer for the past 14 years of my life, but it's different when you hear it pertaining to yourself. This past Monday I was told that I probably have thyroid cancer. The only way to know for sure is to have my thyroid removed, so in a few weeks I hand my body over to a complete stranger who will slit my neck open and remove a part of me that isn't quite cooperating. I think that I handled the news very well - I asked a lot of questions (including "can this wait?") and worked out with my endocrinologist exactly what my next steps will be. He was happy to see that I wasn't (and I quote) "freaking out". I didn't know what good that would do.
Okay so now I think that I'm "freaking out". By Friday I was down in the dumps, and my mood just kept spiralling downward from there. Today is Sunday and I'm still crying from yesterday. I don't understand it - I know that I'm going to be okay. I know how cureable thyroid cancer is. When I fell asleep on the train on Thursday, I started writing my obituary in my head. What the hell is that? And the panic attacks have started again. I feel so alone right now. I don't want to go through this without a shoulder to cry on.
posted by Marta at
10:42 pm
2 Comments:
Holy crap, Marta...keep me posted. You'll be fine; you're strong and stubborn (in a good way) so you'll be fine.
It's ironic because I'm having thyroid (and uterine) screening done right now.
3:28 pm
Dearest Marta --- How do these things happen? Because of cancer we met, and I haven't had a re-occurrance in ten years. Your frinedship was a wonderful outcome to my radiation treatments. You are so aware of the illness. You are surround by great doctors that will stop this. But never the less, its very frightening, to hear that diagnosis, it sends your pysche into a mode of protection, despair, and overkill. I know you will pass this event (operation) with flying colours.I know that you have a support system that you must allow to support your independant character.Let it happen, put your faith into God, count on me or many prayers and know that I care very much about you and your boys.
9:40 am
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