Analyze this ....

I started my Masters in Counseling Psychology this month - yes, on top of being a single mom, commuting, teaching 3 courses this semester, developing 1 course, training for my cycling, and trying to have a life. The first course that I'm taking is an introduction to personality theories and counseling techniques. Really, really interesting ... and a great review for someone who hasn't taken a psychology course in about 20 years!

We just did a section on Freud and his psychoanalytic theory. I can see what I'm going to be doing for the next few months - I'm going to analyze the shit out of myself. I can't help it. It helps me to learn the theory if I apply it to something that I know. And I like to think that I really know me and that I have the power of insight. As a mother, psychoanalytic theory is scary. Freud puts a huge emphasis on the first 6 years of life and the bulk of the responsibility lies with the mother's relationship with the child. Now that my kids are older (12 and 17) I wonder about how functional they will be in the real world and in relationships. How did I screw them up? Everybody is bound to have screwed up their kids in one way or another - I know that I am completely messed up from my childhood (and sadly, most has to do with the mother issues that I have). But the work that I've done, and the insight, have allowed me to fix a lot of things.

My friend L told me that a guy friend of ours once said to her "It is freaky how Marta can see right through me and know exactly what my issues are and where I'm always coming from." Uh huh. I am good at that, hence the interest in counseling. I also know that it can scare the shit out of people .... mostly men. I think that Sparky totally caught on to the fact that I could see right through him and his "woe is me, feel sorry for me" stories weren't working anymore. So he has to go out and find new people (read: women) to keep the cycle of sympathy going. He also wasn't (isn't) ready to face up to the truth behind his choices and actions. A pivotal moment in counseling is determining when the client is ready to face their "stuff".

A little analysis is fun. It's not like I sit there and completely break down and interpret everything that a guy is saying to me on the first date. I usually wait until the 4th or 5th date for that ....