Sleep deprived

Insomnia is a strange state of being. I'm being hit on a regular basis - on Saturday I didn't fall asleep until 4am, and this morning I'm wide awake at 5am. There's no use fighting it, is there? I don't know about you, but when I start having bouts of sleeplessness it can make me feel a little crazy. Tossing and turning in my bed .... I start ruminating about everything. Mundane things, men, world peace - you name it. I just want to shut my brain OFF!

I have set certain goals for myself this year when it comes to men. And I'm falling way short of these goals. Before you start rolling your eyes and saying "oh gosh - here she goes again", have some sympathy. I am getting myself out there. I'm hooking up with men that I've "met" online - not just any guy who happens to throw me a line either. For every 30-40 who contact me, I might actually meet one in person. And they're all wrong .... nice guys for the most part, but wrong. It is so rare for me to get that gut-feeling of ooh-now this is somebody who interests me. Some people call it a spark, or chemistry - I see it more as an intuitive feeling that I could connect with this guy, or a flash judgement (in Blink terms). When I finally find that guy who gives me that feeling, it turns out all wrong. Too much work. Inconsistency. I end up having to analyze and decipher and geez, I'm just too old to be still playing these games.

Maybe I need to go back to therapy. Cause something ain't working.