Stories from the Trenches

The online dating world is a world unto itself. I had something funny happen to me last week which prompted me to think about some of the other humorous situations that have occurred during my online quest to find love. Here they are:

1. Last week, a particular dating site sent me my "matches of the week". It's usually the same old guys who are completely wrong for me - maybe a hottie thrown in there every now and then. But this week was different. One of my matches turned out to be a cross-dresser! I kid you not! Needless to say, I took this as a sign that I needed to delete my account immediately from this particular site.
2. I have been Lava-stalked on numerous occasions. Guys (read losers) who decide that they have fallen immediately in love with my picture and act like they know me because they read my profile. I've had guys who email me numerous times a day, just to tell me how their day was. I even had one guy who had to email me to say goodnight every night. Eventually it gets too creepy and I have to block them.
3. I met a guy for dinner last week - we had some good online conversation prior to this and his picture was cute. I was looking forward to this. As it turns out, he looked nothing like his picture, and he couldn't even pretend to look interested during our outing. I wanted to grab him by the collar and say "Look buddy - at least pretend to have a good time. Watch me - I'm doing it!" We parted ways amicably (and I at least got a free dinner out of it), and then he has the gall to email me the next day to say that he doesn't think we're a good match. I wanted to hit reply with the message "Duh".
4. I went out with a guy who thought so highly of himself it was a sight to behold. He had a degree in physiology and was disgusted when I couldn't answer some science-related questions. He then started yawning, YAWNING! whenever I was telling a story and he wasn't allowed to talk. What a maroon.
5. I seem to attract a lot of married men. It is unbelievable how many married men are on these websites cruising for a little bit of fun. Anyhow, when it finally comes out that they're married, what happens? I usually end up counseling them, they thank me profusely, and off they go to live their oh so sad and miserable life (sniff).
6. I have learnt to never say that you're "open-minded" on a web profile. This leads to many requests for threesomes due to my "open-minded"ness.
7. I also love the requests from young 20-somethings for an "experience" with an older woman. Flattering, but no. I call it "I've been Mrs. Robinsoned".

Many, many more stories to tell. And by the way Matt - this is not me complaining about men. This is me laughing. Even I can find humour in the horrors of my adventures in online dating.