He's just not that into you

I'm sure that many of you have read this book or at least heard of it. It was written by one of the (male) writers for Sex and the City, and it's meant to be a handbook of sorts for women. The author states that women make far too many excuses for a man's behaviour when the cruel reality of it is that "he's just not that into you".

Many women I know that have read the book find it enlightening - why can't men just be blunt and tell us? But the men I know who have read the book think that it's a piece of crap. Even they make excuses for their behaviour. I remember having a discussion with a guy about the book, and he went into all sorts of convoluted reasons behind his behaviour based on the situation and the timing and what the woman is giving back to him and the phases of the moon ... okay so I made the last one up but all in all what it came down to was a stupid fucking dance that is expected in any relationship.

I'm sorry - I like dancing but this is ridiculous. I'm too old to have to try and decipher words - spoken, email, or otherwise. Actions can be all messed up too. Take my recent experience with Flake. The guy has no idea which way is up. He has asked me out numerous times over the span of almost 7 months! Interested, then busy, then lots of emails, then date somebody else, then contact, then lots of emails, then busy, then another date, then busy ..... What I get from him is how much he enjoys our time together and that he wants to see me again. What I don't get from him is a reason why so much time passes in between our actual dates and/or emails and why our "courtship" (if you can call it that) has lasted so long! I have no patience. I'm getting frustrated. I do not want to make excuses nor do I want to jump to the wrong conclusion. Flake does not like to be held accountable (big surprise).

Here's what I think: single people my age have lost the faith. They're afraid to take chances and afraid to open themselves up to somebody. They have had so many experiences with not getting what they want that they stop asking. They are looking for all the bad points before they can even notice the good points. They are defeated.

But I'm not. Despite the fact that I am so completely frustrated more times than not, I'm not defeated. I know what I have to offer. But I get the feeling that I'm regarded as a freak when I tell it like it is, when I tell them that I'm interested, when I tell them that I'm not, when I tell them exactly how it is in my mind so that they don't have to try and figure it out! Because buddy - if you're really "just not that into me" then I need to know!!!!!

Sigh.