"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing" Blaise Pascal
I made the mistake of watching "The Notebook" again last night. Some of you may be rolling your eyes right now - yes, I'm a sucker for a good love story. And I always end up crying by the end of the movie. It doesn't matter that I've seen this movie three times - I was sobbing by the end. And then I had to crawl into my big, empty bed which started more sobbing.

I don't know if I agree with the end of the movie. In my experience, great love usually ends in heartbreak. People usually take the safe way and end up foresaking the real love - the kind of love that's messy, and it drives you crazy, and it's hard and it sometimes doesn't make sense .... but it's also incredibly passionate and it makes you feel alive. I have had my heart broken by men who have decided to take the easy route - usually my kids are to blame - and I'm pretty sure that they're not happy where they are. And maybe they taught me a very big lesson - that I don't want to be with somebody who isn't willing to take big risks and live their life to the fullest potential.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy being single. I like my own company, and I like making my own plans. I've gone on many dates in the past couple of years, and I won't be with somebody just for the sake of being with somebody. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I have seen my fair share of shitty couples and marriages, and I feel sorry for the people who don't want to admit that they made a mistake. But you know what I miss ...... I miss the look that somebody who is in love with you gives you. Somebody who has seen you at your absolute worse, and stands by while you hurl your insecurities at them, and doesn't flinch when you try to push them away, and who sees you for the incredibly complex person that you are ..... and loves it.

Lately I have been wondering if this kind of love is possible at my age - maybe it's only reserved for the young. For your first love - before you've been burned and are now slightly guarded and jaded. I hope not, but I can't seem to find anybody who is willing to take a chance with their heart at my age (am I just an anomoly?). I still think that big love is possible at any stage of my life, and I try to hold onto that every time that I have yet another so-so date.

As Ms Lily Tomlin said, "If love is the answer then could you rephrase the question?".