How embarrassing .....

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and says 'hello'. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my rear with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

I thought that I'd start things off with a bit of humour - my friend J showed me this joke on her Blackberry when we were at a bar one night and we both nearly wet our pants. Imagine the embarrassment! Parent-teacher night would never be the same .....

I have had so many embarrassing moments in my life. When I was in my 20's I would be completely mortified by these moments, but as I've gotten older I've found that it's easier to brush these things off. I've compiled some of my better spastic moments for you:

- The infamous "hey .... I'll fuck you for a wienie" night (you know what I'm talking about Sal).
- When I was in highschool I was out with some friends at Yuk Yuk's. We were sitting at the table right by the stage, and when I went to light my cigarette (yes, I smoked back then because it was cool) I accidently lit my long 80's hair on fire! To top it off, the comedian on stage saw it happen and made a point of letting everybody in the audience know what had just happened.
- I wiped out on the tour boat in Amsterdam in front of 30 tourists. The sad part - I was alone thus having nobody to share in the joy of my lack of coordination.
- The time that I dropped an entire tray of beer on a customer when I had just started working at the Huether. Shite. He was very understanding about it (so much so that he asked me out).
- One time I had a schizophrenic cancer patient yell at me in front of a full waiting room, "Shove it up your ass along with your cat!". (And all I could think of was "how does she know that I have a cat?". You have no idea the kinds of people that I have had to deal with in my job.)

And there you have it. There just isn't room to write down all the times that I have wiped out in front of people but suffice it to say that it happens often enough that I sometimes wonder if I have a brain tumour. I say embrace the inner spaz!!!!