Don't judge a book by its cover

I've been told that I'm hard to read. By a man. A man that I have been rather upfront and blunt with. At first I thought - no way, not me. I'm an open book. I asked some of my friends, specifically male friends, if they agreed. They didn't find that I was particularly hard to read - in fact, they said that I'm open with my thoughts, ideas, and feelings. But, M. did suggest that in a romantic context I may be different. Phooey.

So me and my stupid brain have been ruminating and reflecting on my diagnosis of "difficult to read" over the past few days. (You see how little things BUG me and I obsess about them?) And I think that there may be some truth to that statement. I have built the walls up around me so high that it takes a huge effort to break them down. And I have to trust the person trying to get around them. I hate to admit it, but when I start developing feelings for a man, all my neuroses start to surface. And I think about the guy leaving before they've even arrived. And I panic when I hear things that aren't perfect. And that's not realistic, because things will never be perfect.

This is why I need a guy who knows what he wants, isn't afraid to show his feelings, who will take the lead, and who will be extremely patient with me. And somebody who will knock themselves out as they show me that I can trust them and rely on them. Once again - not too much to ask for, is it?