You talkin' to me?

Have you ever seen the movie LA Story with Steve Martin? It's one of my favourite movies. It completely makes fun of the LA culture and its pretentiousness. Steve is a guy who is caught up in the BS of his LA life, and when he starts to look around he realizes how unhappy he is and how much he wants to change things. And he starts getting messages from a digital traffic board on the freeway - cryptic messages that ultimately point him in the right direction.

So why am I telling you this? Well, I've been feeling mighty frustrated and impatient as of late. In lots of different areas of my life. The other morning I fell fast asleep on the train and when I woke up in Toronto and looked out the train window, there was a digital message board that said "See the beauty that is around you and be happy." Holy shit - like right out of the movie. I know that I'm making a big deal out of it, but just give me my moment of divine intervention here.

That particular morning I was feeling like crap because I vented about men to somebody that I really like. Stupid, groping men that were around me all weekend. And I offended this poor guy because he thought that I was referring to him. All my frustrations came pouring out. And he probably thought that I was a complete whack-job. But stupid groping men triggered a very negative reaction in me and I lashed out.

So the message was clear - I need a mental shift in order to see the beauty again.

Groovy Friday

I went to the Beastie Boys concert last night. Love them! At first I thought - what am I doing? I'm way too old for this. But the crowd was a complete mix of people my age who grew up with the BB and the whole "You gotta fight for your right to paaaaarrrrrttyy!" anthem, and people in their early 20's who are now recycling the BB music and listening to the new stuff. Speaking of the new stuff - it was groovy. The concert was a mixture of their hard "Mix Master Mike" songs, and then they'd totally mellow down and groove to their new instrumental pieces. My fave of the evening - "Sabotage" hands down! And how many times do you get to see a man dressed up as a bunny crowd surfing? Awesome.

10 Best Things about being Single

In honour of National Singles Week:

1. You can make last-minute plans with your friends and stay out all night if you want.
2. You can lie on both sides of your bed and have all the covers to yourself. And not accidently touch any icky feet in bed .... brrrrr.
3. You can flirt with the opposite sex without someone saying, "Who are you looking at?"
4. You can make your own decisions.
5. You don't have to remember your significant other's birthday or anniversary.
6. You have no one to clean up after.
7. You can leave the toilet seat permanently up if you're a man, or permanently down if you're a woman.
8. You can make a list of things you always wanted to do...and actually do them.
9. You can listen to your favorite radio station in the car (and sing out loud).
10. You can actually hold on to the remote control (and watch whatever you want!).

(Taken from Yahoo! personals)

Helpless and Blue

Do you listen to melancholy music when you're feeling down? It's been a blue weekend for me, so I've been listening to KD Lang's version of "Helpless" over and over - very fitting.

On Friday my friend C came to see me at work. To tell me that she has a brain tumour. She's 26. I was shocked, and dropped everything that I had to do in the afternoon so that I could go with her to get a MRI (once again I am thankful for all the connections that we have in the medical field). Nobody should have to deal with these things alone. It broke my heart having to face all the doctors, biopsies, and appointments on my own when I was going through cancer hell. Right after the MRI, we went to see an oncologist and she was able to pull up the scans pronto on her computer. And then she picked up the phone and got C an appointment that very afternoon to see the best neurosurgeon around. So we hopped in a cab and made a beeline to another hospital and C was seen right away.

So the "good" news is that the tumour is most likely benign. She'll lose her hearing in her right ear on account of the surgery, but her life is no doubt changed forever. Sorry C - I know that you read my blog ... you know that you have a lot of people that love you and will help you get through this.

When I got home on Friday, I went and did this Art Walk thing to help Flake with his campaign for the Green Party. And then I had a good cry when I got home. I feel so fucking alone and lonely. The afternoon shook me, and I didn't have anybody to give me a hug or who cares about my well-being. That just weighs on me huge sometimes. And I haven't been able to shake the blues all weekend. I know that I'm just generally feeling sorry for myself (that and a bit of PMS), but for god's sake - is there ever going to be somebody who wants to get to know me and get close to me? Plenty of men have been loving the thrill of the chase, and plenty of men want to touch me. Big deal. I need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. And somebody who cares.

The Power of Now

I'm reading a new book called "The Power of Now". The premise of the book is that we (human beings) think too much and this is the cause of so many problems. We need to shut our minds down and just live in the moment. Because when you're thinking a lot - what are you usually thinking about? The past or the future. And this prevents you from being in the present.

So true. Guilty. I obsess WAY too much, and it's always about things that have happened or that might happen. This past week the number of times that I've been up at 4:30am is just plain stupid, and I'm up because I wake up and can't shut my brain off. And it's funny, because whenever I talk to people at work about how things are going, they immediately jump in with "I've got so much to do", or "I'm thinking about all the stuff that I haven't done yet", etc. All worries about the future. So I've been mentioning the Power of Now, and my fellow co-workers have been so receptive. To the point where I have people telling me that they're coming to see me whenever they need a pep talk! Who'd have thought that would ever happen?!?

You know those people who always seem to be happy and just thoroughly enjoying every moment? I'm thinking that they don't spend too much time worrying about what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. They're grounded in the moment. What a nice place to be. I'm going to strive for that this term as I'm teaching. And maybe it will spill over into my personal life .... I could use that right now.

Weekly Peeves

Gosh there are just so many irritants that I encounter on a daily basis. Is it just me, or does it seem like more and more things bug you the older you get? Less patience, or is the world and the people in it becoming more annoying?

Irks du jour - in no particular order:

1. Bossy women - I went to help a friend set up his campaign office the other night, and there was on bossy woman there who had something (not sure what) to prove. I felt like giggling after her numerous attempts to take over my ideas.
2. Rude older men - that I encounter when commuting. There is a man on the VIA train that I take sometimes who HAS TO be the first in line to get off the train. The other night he was sitting across from me, and when I stood up to leave my seat, he immediately grabbed his stuff, kicked my bag out of the way, and pushed in front of me. What a maroon.
3. Crappy drivers - What is with the number of people who pull out in front of you, and then drive slowly so that you have to slam on your brakes? WAIT FOR A BREAK IN THE TRAFFIC before turning into it (please)!
4. Going to the video store and all the good movies are rented. And a crappy selection to begin with in the summer months.
5. New shoes that give you blisters - Any woman reading this will know the excitement of buying a new pair of shoes and wearing them for the first time. Shoes totally make the outfit. And then you end up with bloody scabs on your feet and toes. Attractive.
6. Coming home from work STARVING and finding out that your teenage food receptacle has eaten all the yummy Chinese food leftovers. Grrrrr, manchild!

And on a happy note, I'm so excited because C is coming for a visit this weekend! I LOVE having something really great to look forward to!

Top 10 things you don't want to hear from your new teacher:

10. My name is Mr. Parker ... but if the feds ask, I'm Mr. Johnson.
9. Sorry I'm late ... some bullies threw me into a locker.
8. Anybody need any lottery tickets or cigarettes?
7. My system is simple ... I assign grades by height.
6. I will learn your names when I sober up.
5. Science, scientology. What's the difference?
4. Today you'll be dissecting the person sitting next to you.
3. Daddy is sleepy ... wake me at 4.
2. I'm gonna learn you all kinds of smart things.
1. Show of hands ... who has a single, slutty mom?

(Compliments of Dave Letterman - September 8, 2005)

The world according to Facebook

Do you know who has access to the information on your profile in Facebook? Think that it's just the people who you select as your friends? Think again. According to this story I found at http://www.albumoftheday.com/facebook/ all pieces of information that we post in our profiles are fair game for large companies who buy information from Facebook. There is no privacy when you join - if you are one of those people who actually bother to read the disclaimers (the pages of fine print written in legal-ese that you have to scroll through) then you would realize that you are agreeing to let Facebook use the information that you post in any way that they want. Scary.

And I don't know about you, but I've had complete strangers try and add me as their friend. That bugs me. And people who I recognize from highschool that I MAYBE said "hi" to in the hallway once or twice who are trying to add me as their friend. I almost feel like they're just doing it so that they can boast about how many "friends" they have on the website. AND - get this .... men that I meet from the dating website add me as their friend - sometimes before they even meet me for the first time!

I like Facebook because it is a handy way to see what my friends are doing - you can look at pictures that they've posted, read what they've been up to, etc. I worry about my son using it sometimes (I made him remove our address from his personal info section) - the kid has more than 300 friends! And he probably gives away too much about personal stuff. But think about it - Facebook has access to a whole lot of personal information and that doesn't sit well with me. Paranoid? Maybe. But I like my life to be kept private and only shared with those who I really know and trust.