Blog you ....
I read an article in the paper this morning about a "study" that some guy did about blogs. He states that bloggers write about very real emotional things, but that they don't live in a reality-based world. You see bloggers are avoiding the real world. Bloggers are avoiding real relationships with people. That doesn't describe me, does it? Okay, maybe it does to a certain extent. I'm the first to admit that I've been avoiding a relationship for a very long time - but all I've seen around me is unhappiness, heartache, and bad relationships. Who wants the hurt and pain that goes with a relationship? Who wants the fights, and the loneliness, and the compromising, and the games, and the cheating, and the ..... I think that I've just had too many bad experiences.

I think that I'll just keep on blogging!

Meet me in Paris!
For my big 4-0 celebration this year, a friend and I have decided to do it up properly in Paris. We're both turning the magical number this year and she's never been to Paris. Who am I to say "no" to this wonderful city? You know what I loved about Paris - the men appreciate older women there. They aren't obsessed with youth. They love a mature woman - a real woman! Curves and all. I especially had attention as a Canadian woman - I was told countless times by french men that they love Canadian women ..... perhaps I was being naive and being fed a line, but it happened multiple times from multiple sources. Canadian women are intelligent, beautiful, and lovely ..... that's what I was told. And who am I to argue?

Anybody want to join us????

Losing my religion
Reading the newspaper this weekend was depressing. So much violence and killing around the world. Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia ..... terrorist plots, suicide bombers .... the list goes on. What a crazy fucking world we live in. And the basis of all this hatred and intolerance is religion. I really don't understand this. Religion is supposed to preach love and acceptance, yet it is the basis for most of the brutality encountered in this world. History has shown us that time and time again man will act violently to "defend" his religion and to "force" his religion on others. What kind of person does it take to become fundamental, whether it be Christianity or Islam or Catholic? They must be very lost souls that have to turn to something and allow it to become all-consuming. I see no difference between an anorexic and a religious maniac - they both have been consumed by their beliefs, punishment is at the core of their daily lives, and they don't think properly. Anorexia is now classified as a mental illness ..... do you think that will ever happen to a religious zealot?

I suppose that a lot of these individuals have nothing else to count on in this world. When you're deprived of some of the basic necessities in life, like food, shelter, or water, then you must figure that you have nothing to lose. Here's some guy offering you a community of people and telling you that your life would be so much better if only we could do away with these other people who look and think differently than us and worship another God. In my experience, the most judgmental people that I have met have been the religious fanatics. Look at me - I'm a good Christian because I go to church. I may be fucking my neighbour's wife, but I go to church. I may be beating my children, but I go to church.

When did we become so misguided????

Resurrection
I read the most infuriating and insane thing in the newspaper this morning. There was a science teacher in the states who got in big trouble because she wanted to show Al Gore's movie "An Inconvenient Truth" to teach her class about global warming. The backlash that she received from the parents was unbelievable. Most of the anger came from fundamentalist bible thumpers, who view the changes in the world as proof that "Jesus is coming!". The school finally decided that the movie could be viewed as propaganda and won't allow her to show it. Can you believe that?!?!?!?

When you read things like this you realize just how many stupid people occupy this planet. I put it at about 98% of the world - that's a lot of stupid people.

Jumping Pens and other News from the Canadian Championships

Last week I was in Halifax for the Canadian Figure Skating Championships. I'm still a freak for the skating, although I can't stomach Dance anymore (cheese galore). The skating was fabulous, but it's what goes on behind the scenes that rivals any soap opera. Seen and heard:

1. When Emanuel Sandhu took to the ice for his short program in the pictured outfit, the skaters sitting behind me said "hey look at the (expletive) hi-lighter on the ice!"
2. The ex-Canadian champions in pairs, Valerie and Craig, came in 2nd this year and seemed off all week. They didn't even look at each other during their warm ups. Apparently these two used to be an item off the ice as well, but no longer. And Craig decided to bring his new (and beautiful) girlfriend to the competition which ticked off Ms Valerie (who, I hate to say it, is lacking in the looks department). Ouch.
3. I have it on good authority (my friend J was one of the judges) that one of the skaters was thrown in jail overnight for being too rowdy and drunk at the bar. Right now I am just trying to picture what a drunk figure skater looks like ....
4. Big controversy with the men's rankings after the short program .... the guy who came in 4th threw a hissy fit because he thought that he should have been 3rd (the placing of the hi-lighter, btw). Apparently the judges had some 'splainin to do .....

I just love some good skating gossip!

Attack of the Evil Stomach part 2
What is it about me and traveling? I just got back from a 5 day trip to Halifax where I contracted yet another evil stomach thing. Not as bad as the evil European stomach thing - nothing has been as bad as that - but I was left feeling pretty crummy. I so look forward to these trips - I'm away from home, don't have to worry about kids or cooking or cleaning, and I want to let loose and have fun. Not so easy when I feel like I've been hit by a bus and I have a bad case of the squirts. I tried to put on a brave face and "get out there", but my attempts were quite pathetic. My poor friend that was with me probably thinks that I'm just an old fart who doesn't know how to have fun.

Let me tell you about the evil stomach thing that I got in Europe - I kindly refer to it as the "European diet" as I lost about 10-15 pounds from it. Picture this - traveling by train from Amsterdam to Vienna. It was a long ride and I just had one of those sleeper chairs where it is next to impossible to sleep. I had spent the entire day touring around Amsterdam on a hot day, so I was really tired and crampy from my female issues (which I fondly refer to as my 4-day hemorrhage - please somebody just rip my uterus out because I'm done with it). To top it off, I'm traveling through Germany the night before the world cup starts - good planning Marta. Party train was filled with rowdy European football fans and it was stopped at the German border and searched by police and dogs. Not long after Munich, I was hit by evil stomach thing. First the squirts started, then I puked somewhere between Salzburg and Vienna, all the while trying to control the raging fever (and let's not forget about the hemorrhage). I'm by myself and nearly comatose - I can't even imagine what I looked like. I wanted to die. But I survived the train ride, and forced myself to see the sights in Vienna and then Salzburg despite the fact that I existed on water and bread for almost 5 days. By the time I got to Paris over a week later, the cramps had stopped and I managed to eat a real meal the night before I left Paris. It took me about 3 weeks to fully shake the last of the evilness.

Lessons learned
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend. When I was 16, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life. In university I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a boy with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a boy with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting boy, but I couldn't keep up with him. He rushed from one party to another, never settling on anything. He did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a boy with some ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious boy with his feet planted firmly on the ground so I moved in with him. He was so ambitious that he dumped me and took everything I owned. I am older now and am looking for a guy with a very big dick.

Lesson learned.

(PS. It's a joke.)

It's Raining Men (Hallelujah?)

Why is it that when it rains, it pours? Embarrassing fact about me - I do the online dating thing. I know that millions of other people do it and I've seen successes first hand (my friend T married a guy that she met online - what a story that is, right T!), but I still feel weird telling people that I do this. Anyhow, I posted the picture that you see here, and since Jan 1st I have had almost 100 men contact me! I can't freaking keep up with it all! Poor me! But seriously, I can't decide between which semi-decent guy to choose, so I've decided to send out feelers to about 10 of them. Is that wrong of me? Worst (best?) case scenario is that I have dates with 10 different men in the next few weeks. I can do it, right? I've got game!

To tell you the truth, I actually hate dating. All the superficial chit chat, and starting from basics questions - egads. It's so much work. I would like to meet somebody and go straight to lying around on the couch with no makeup and my bathrobe on if we click. I never really dated when I was younger - I always managed to hook up with somebody by meeting them in a group of people, and all of a sudden we were in a 6 month relationship. I keep telling my friends who are married (some happy, some not) and want to "live vicariously through me" that dating in your 30's is different from dating in your 20's. Much, much more judging and bullshit.

I will keep you posted on my "predicament".

My Brain is Full
Have you ever seen that Far Side comic where the kid is in school and he raises his hand and says "May I please be excused? My brain is full." Well, that is how I feel almost every work day - my brain is full. And then I make stupid mistakes that are seen by stupid people who are probably snickering at the fact that I'm such a twit. And I'm much less productive when my brain is full - why can't I live in Spain where a siesta would be in order by the early afternoon? I'm beginning to think that mental exhaustion is more taxing than physical exhaustion.

Man, I need a holiday. Oh wait I just had one .....

Manscaping
No, I did not make up a new word. Manscaping refers to the act of male body hair grooming. A touchy subject I'm sure, but who wants a guy who is one step away from the missing link? I realize that hairiness is an entirely natural state, but I don't know one woman who likes a hairy back or shoulders on her guy, not to mention those weird hairs that grow out of nostrils and ears. And I don't even want to mention butt hair ...... although personally I don't have a problem with this one as long as it isn't excessive. On the flip side, I find it freakish when men shave/wax their chest hair - I want my men to be men, not polished little boys. And don't even start me on the guys who get rid of their leg and arm hair - they need therapy. But seriously, men expect women to groom their bodies of hair in certain places, so why shouldn't we expect the same? As one woman put it "If I pour hot wax on my hoo hoo, then my partner had better manscape!"

Here's a good selling point for men to manscape - apparently if you do a little grooming "down there", it can add an optical inch to your, well, you know what. I'm sure that my friend J who is a real estate agent has known this for years - if you trim back the hedges then it makes your house look bigger.

At any rate, as I get older I'm faced with the reality that my body requires more grooming and in different places. Blame it on the hormones. I'm sure that men are faced with the same situation. I have no idea how our society got to the point where hair removal is a daily necessity - I just wish that evolution would catch up with us and not put the hair in the places that we don't want it.

truthiness (noun)
1 : "truth that comes from the gut, not books" (Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," October 2005)
2 : "the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true" (American Dialect Society, January 2006)

This is Merriam-Webster's word of 2006. Call me a geek for knowing this, but there it is. While I am a fan of the Colbert Report, it's the second definition of truthiness that caught my attention. Because how many times do we kid ourselves about the truth? We could have the cold, hard, ugly truth right in front of us, yet we choose to believe something else and make that our truth. Okay, you know that I have to relate this back to men and relationships somehow ..... but I have been in quite a few relationships that involved the male (my caring partner) cheating on me, and all the signs and gut feelings pointed to the fact that this was happening, yet I wished for another truth (ie. he is not cheating on me) and made that my truth. Unfortunately, this truthiness never lasts long - at least with me. I know people who can live in truthiness (also know as "denial") for years and years, but not me. Here comes the pessimism now - how many relationships do you know of that are built on truth and honesty? I personally don't know many. Affairs and secrets seem to be commonplace - why bother being with somebody if you can't talk to them about what really matters?

At any rate, truthiness ruled in 2006, integrity was all the rage in 2005, and blog hit the top of the charts in 2004.

Friends?
Here's what I have learnt - men do not want to be friends with women. I don't get it. In university, my best friend was a guy - when did it change and not be okay for a female to have a close friendship with a man? I have met a lot of men through my adventures in dating over the past couple of years, and despite the fact that most men I talk to say that they "enjoy meeting new people", if you don't fall madly in love with them or if they can't envision spending the rest of your life with you after the first 10 minutes of meeting you, then they are not interested in cultivating a friendship. I miss having a guy for a friend.

I've been lying awake in my bed thinking about this (it's now 12:30am - not good considering my 5:30am wake up) because the past couple of evenings there have been movies on TV involving women with close friendships with guys. But the ending of each movie always involved a big "aha" moment where the woman realized that she was in love with the guy after all these years - why, oh why does it have to end like that? I have a guy friend right now, and I get a lot of flack for it. My friends tell me he likes me (he has a girlfriend); my friends tell me that it isn't normal to do "date things" with him (dinner or a movie - it's not like we're having sex people); my friends tell me that I should just "go for it" ...... why can't I just be friends with this guy?????

And don't give me it's the whole "when Harry met Sally" thing - that guys can't be friends with women because they want to sleep with them. I don't buy that. I can pretty much guarantee that my guy friend does not want to sleep with me (hey wait a second - why doesn't he want to sleep with me ...... oh stop!)

Wanted: one male friend for companionship. Must provide shoulder to cry on. Must be sensitive, tell me that I look fabulous, and continually inflate my ego. Ability to return phone calls and emails an asset. Additional requirements include handy, smells nice, will watch the occasional "chick flick" without complaining, mixes a mean martini, and enjoys random acts of kindness.

Ya - good luck with all that.

The early bird gets the worm, but who wants a worm?
It's official - I am NOT a morning person. This week I have been trying to get back to my routine which means up at 5:30am again, and I'm failing miserably. Yesterday it was lack of sleep and feeling like crap on account of this flu/throat thing that I have that kept me in bed past my alarm (thank goodness for the flexibility of working from home some days!), and today the throat thing had me pushing snooze a few times which means a later train. There has got to be a better way of getting my butt moving in the morning - any ideas? And I'm not one of those people who can get up early to exercise or meditate to get my body going - does anybody actually do that? Besides those hard-body freaks on the morning exercise shows, who actually enjoys getting out of bed when every cell in your body is screaming for more rest?

Time check - 6:38am - shite. Gotta run.

Happy Funky New Year

Welcome to the first day of 2007. As I sat in my big chair by the window this morning drinking my coffee, I reflected on the past year and decided that I definitely need some changes this year. For those who know me, the end of 2006 was not a good one for me - work issues, cancer drama, family (mother) problems, and an overall lack of joy in my life. I have become bogged down by excuses - I'm not happy because ..... I've gained weight because ..... I don't date because ..... you get the picture. Damn it - that's not me. I need to just suck it up and get things done!

So here is a list of things that I would like to accomplish this year:

1. Go back to school - start my Masters or do something completely different for a new career direction
2. Get back to my regular exercise program - about a year ago, I felt and looked great and I want to get back to that
3. Travel to Europe - whether it's Paris for my 40th, or a trip with the kids, it will happen
4. Stop eating crap! I've always been an emotional eater and this has got to stop.
5. Try something new - I want to learn how to knit. I want to get my pilot licence. Digital photography looks cool. Etc.
6. Be fearless - A woman that I met through the gym wants me to sign up for an orienteering race with her, and a 400km biking challenge. I can do it!
7. Keep dating, and actually give the guy(s) a chance.
8. Nurture my female friendships - I love how strong my fellow females are, and I need to spend more time with my friends and encourage new female friendships. Some of the women in my life are going through difficult times right now, and I need to support them more.

And on that note ...... it's time to hit the gym! Watch out 2007!