Life's disappointments
I watched the movie "Scoop" last night and was so disappointed by it. Scarlett Johansson and Hugh Jackman were great, and the story was interesting, but Woody Allen ruined the entire movie for me. Can the man just talk without bumbling and saying stupid things? His whole neurotic thing is so old. Keep making movies Woody, but don't act in them please.

Don't you hate it when you're sooooo looking forward to something and then it falls flat? Here's some other things that just totally suck when they happen:
1. When you're so psyched to go to a concert, and then when you get there your seat sucks, or you can't see a thing, or the opening band bites, or there's complete morons sitting around you.
2. When you're so excited to open a gift from your new boyfriend and it turns out to be something completely inappropriate that screams "I have no clue who you are or what you like". 3. When you go to your regular eating place and decide on a whim to try something different on the menu and it turns out to be inedible crap.
4. When you find all sorts of amazing clothes in a store (and they're on sale!) and then when you try them on they don't fit and they end up making you look like a female version of Humpty Dumpty.
5. When you buy a new CD from your favourite band and with the exception of maybe 1 song, the entire CD sucks.
6. When an old flame calls you from out of the blue and sounds so nice and wants to get together to "catch up" on old times and he takes you to a nice restaurant and you have a few drinks and he's still the same old jerk that he used to be (hasn't happened to me I swear! ;)
7. When you're soooo looking forward to going out and doing things on the weekend and nobody calls you or there is absolutely nothing to do but sit at home (by yourself) and watch bad movies.

Okay - you get the picture. Have a disappointment-free day!

My new thing ....
is swimming. I went swimming last night for the first time in I don't know how long. The real swimming - where you have to look professional and do lengths and different strokes and stuff. I can't remember feeling this uncoordinated. I thought that it would be easy - everybody knows how to do the front crawl for goodness sakes! But for some reason, the body didn't want to work in harmony. I could only make it 1 length of the pool and then I had to stop because I was out of breath. Geez - it was humbling - I've been spinning for about 2 years now, and while I admit that I totally slacked off this summer and lost my athletic physique, I felt so out of shape last night. But I've decided that this is just what I've been looking for - a new workout. And one that's easy on my hip (for those of you who don't know, I had my hip rebuilt when I was 18 and it's not holding up very well). Judging by the senior participants in the pool last night (who were kicking my wet ass I might add) it's an exercise that's joint-friendly. At least now I have something to do every Friday night .....

Man-child part 2
The other night my son told me that he's had his first make-out session with a girl. Apparently it wasn't with somebody that he particularly likes, she just happened to be there and willing to suck face with him. AND to top it off, this occurred at a friends house where alcohol was consumed prior to the sucking face. What is with my kid and Jack Daniels I will never know. Anyhow, he said it was fun and could really get used to finding girls to do that with. If he turns into a slut then I will kill him.

What made me laugh about this incident is that the friend's mother caught them drinking and sucking face. I suppose that her daughter vomiting in the toilet was a dead giveaway. Anyhow, she made E walk a straight line because he was trying to convince her that he wasn't "that drunk". Needless to say, he failed the test. She gave them a lecture about under-age drinking and then left it up to the kids to tell their parents. I still can't believe that I have raised a child who feels comfortable enough to tell me these things. E says it helps that I've told him some stories from my highschool days - so far his few drunken binges pale in comparison to the fun I had in highschool.

Stay tuned for some more stories ..... he's going to a party tonight.

Stupid White Men
Have you heard of the book by Michael Moore called Stupid White Men? Well, I've decided to compile my own list of stupid white men:
1. Tom Cruise - do I really need to explain?
2. George "Dubwa" Bush - I don't think that this world has seen a dumber "leader"
3. Mr. Clean - anybody who matches their hair to their clothes everyday is dumb
4. Stephen Harper - what a knob
5. Conrad Black - the lesson today kids is that greed is a sin
6. OJ Simpson - he might be stupid, and if he were stupid, here's how he would have done it .....
7. Homer Simpson - doh!
8. Ozzy Osbourne - wa duhdo humbe mumble mumble mumble
9. Kevin Federline (aka K-Fed/Fed-Ex) - did he really think that he was talented beyond the fact that his sperm can swim?
10. All those guys who actually believe that "real women" look like the chicks you see in the magazines

And to keep things fair, a list of stupid white women:
1. Britney Spears - see #9 above
2. Rona Ambrose - that's what you get for having a knob for a boss
3. Pamela Anderson - silicone boobs, silicone brain, silicone house, silicone kids .....
4. The Bachelor babes - and anyone who watches that show and takes it seriously for that matter ....
5. Karla Homolka - no explanation required
6. Paris Hilton - shut up and eat something
7. the Desperate Housewives - oh so very dumb
8. Cinderella - Prince Charming doesn't exist (or he's gay) and your shoes are tres uncomfortable
9. Victoria "Posh" Beckham - stop posing and eat something!
10. All those women who actually believe that he's going to change (all you have to do is try really really hard)

Geez - this was fun. With thanks to my ever-humourous son who googles dumb celebrities for fun.

Our Toxic World
I don't get it. Why isn't the pollution and destruction of our planet not a priority? I have been embarrassed and disgusted by Canada's performance in Nairobi this past week, and I don't think that I've ever been embarrassed to be a Canadian before. (If you're reading this and you voted for the Conservatives in the last election, then shame on you!) The statistics about global warming are staggering. Glaciers are melting at a faster rate than the science community thought possible. There is a direct relationship between the temperature of our planet and carbon dioxide emissions in our atmosphere. In 20 years we will be living in a world where millions die each year due to weather changes and lack of fresh water. There are already wars being raged in parts of this world over access to water. If you haven't seen Al Gore's documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" then I highly recommend that you watch it. It should be required viewing for everybody, especially our children who are going to have to shoulder the burdens of our excessive consumption mentality.

Small changes you can make:
1. install a programmable thermostat
2. change your lightbulbs to the energy efficient ones
3. don't even THINK ABOUT buying an SUV or any other gas-sucking vehicle
4. buy LED Christmas lights
5. walk, bike - don't drive
6. stop buying your kids the latest electronic gaming system - where do you think the old ones are dumped? (hint: toxic dump sites in poor countries like Africa)
7. don't idle your car - A/C is a luxury, not a given
8. turn off the lights, the computer, the TV when you're not using it
9. recycle! I'm down to 1/4 bag of garbage each week ever since our town started a food recycling program
10. educate yourself and your children

I am pissed off at what stupid people we have been. There is so much beauty in this world and we're blowing it.

A New Career
I need a new career - not just a new job, but an entirely new line of work because medical education just isn't working anymore. Too much bullshit, too many politics, too many petty insecure nasty women to have to deal with. Here are my strengths - you suggest the career for me:
1. intelligent
2. good at thinking "outside of the box" (another way of saying that I'm creative?)
3. fascinated by the human body and how it works
4. sensitive
5. able to keep people at a distance
6. yet empathetic and caring at the same time
7. great at listening and giving advice
8. don't like speaking in front of people (great quality for a teacher to have)
9. committed to life-long learning
10. get tired easily (maybe it's just from my current job which is mentally exhausting)
11. bit of a loner
12. able to work in a team or by myself (although if you look at #11, I probably prefer the by myself)
13. (sometimes warped) sense of humour
14. frugal
15. don't like kissing ass to get ahead - you either think that I'm good or not

Pass the Cheese, please
Today's topic is cheese because I have been craving cheese for the past week. I have been banned from eating cheese ever since it was discovered that my whopping case of adult acne was a direct result of milk consumption. No milk products - no zits. And my palate is suffering as a result. On Tuesday I went grocery shopping and spent about 10 minutes just strolling the cheese section - I was touching the cheese, sniffing the cheese, and crying for the cheese. Gouda, emmenthal, goat cheese, jalapeno havarti ..... oh the cheese! And I love those little Babybel things! And Cheez Whiz! You know where I had good cheese? In the Netherlands. I think that it's one of the reasons why the Dutch are so tall. It's got to be the cheese. Some of my coworkers rolled an entire wheel of cheese onto the plane to take home - unfortunately I couldn't fit this into my suitcase since I left on my travels and didn't think that the smell would be conducive to making friends.

I realize that there is a faux-cheese product made entirely from soya, but come on .... do they really expect anybody to eat that? The next time that you cut yourself a nice slab of cheese, think of me (with a tear falling down my zit-free cheek).

Oh my Quad!
It's official - I am getting old. The body just isn't what it used to be. I did a spinning class last night and nearly killed myself. We did this particularly hard drill that had my quads screaming for mercy. You know it's going to be bad when you feel the afterburn in your muscles on the same day that you exercise - usually it takes a day or 2 to appear, but not last night. I could barely bend my legs enough to sit on the toilet! I'm pretty sure that today my walk resembled that of a person with something very large and uncomfortable shoved up their ..... well, you get the picture.

I am fighting this age inconvenience with everything that I got. I exercise more than I did in my 20's, and my skin care regimen is intense. Next on the list - perhaps a little lipo, or a tummy tuck? Go ahead - call me vain. My skin doctor (yes, I have a skin doctor) has even planted the Botox-bug in my head ..... apparently everybody is doing it, at least everybody at her office does it and man they look good! Lots of options at any rate.

In the meantime, could you pass the Rub A535?

"The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing" Blaise Pascal
I made the mistake of watching "The Notebook" again last night. Some of you may be rolling your eyes right now - yes, I'm a sucker for a good love story. And I always end up crying by the end of the movie. It doesn't matter that I've seen this movie three times - I was sobbing by the end. And then I had to crawl into my big, empty bed which started more sobbing.

I don't know if I agree with the end of the movie. In my experience, great love usually ends in heartbreak. People usually take the safe way and end up foresaking the real love - the kind of love that's messy, and it drives you crazy, and it's hard and it sometimes doesn't make sense .... but it's also incredibly passionate and it makes you feel alive. I have had my heart broken by men who have decided to take the easy route - usually my kids are to blame - and I'm pretty sure that they're not happy where they are. And maybe they taught me a very big lesson - that I don't want to be with somebody who isn't willing to take big risks and live their life to the fullest potential.

Don't get me wrong - I enjoy being single. I like my own company, and I like making my own plans. I've gone on many dates in the past couple of years, and I won't be with somebody just for the sake of being with somebody. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. I have seen my fair share of shitty couples and marriages, and I feel sorry for the people who don't want to admit that they made a mistake. But you know what I miss ...... I miss the look that somebody who is in love with you gives you. Somebody who has seen you at your absolute worse, and stands by while you hurl your insecurities at them, and doesn't flinch when you try to push them away, and who sees you for the incredibly complex person that you are ..... and loves it.

Lately I have been wondering if this kind of love is possible at my age - maybe it's only reserved for the young. For your first love - before you've been burned and are now slightly guarded and jaded. I hope not, but I can't seem to find anybody who is willing to take a chance with their heart at my age (am I just an anomoly?). I still think that big love is possible at any stage of my life, and I try to hold onto that every time that I have yet another so-so date.

As Ms Lily Tomlin said, "If love is the answer then could you rephrase the question?".

How embarrassing .....

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and says 'hello'. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my rear with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."

I thought that I'd start things off with a bit of humour - my friend J showed me this joke on her Blackberry when we were at a bar one night and we both nearly wet our pants. Imagine the embarrassment! Parent-teacher night would never be the same .....

I have had so many embarrassing moments in my life. When I was in my 20's I would be completely mortified by these moments, but as I've gotten older I've found that it's easier to brush these things off. I've compiled some of my better spastic moments for you:

- The infamous "hey .... I'll fuck you for a wienie" night (you know what I'm talking about Sal).
- When I was in highschool I was out with some friends at Yuk Yuk's. We were sitting at the table right by the stage, and when I went to light my cigarette (yes, I smoked back then because it was cool) I accidently lit my long 80's hair on fire! To top it off, the comedian on stage saw it happen and made a point of letting everybody in the audience know what had just happened.
- I wiped out on the tour boat in Amsterdam in front of 30 tourists. The sad part - I was alone thus having nobody to share in the joy of my lack of coordination.
- The time that I dropped an entire tray of beer on a customer when I had just started working at the Huether. Shite. He was very understanding about it (so much so that he asked me out).
- One time I had a schizophrenic cancer patient yell at me in front of a full waiting room, "Shove it up your ass along with your cat!". (And all I could think of was "how does she know that I have a cat?". You have no idea the kinds of people that I have had to deal with in my job.)

And there you have it. There just isn't room to write down all the times that I have wiped out in front of people but suffice it to say that it happens often enough that I sometimes wonder if I have a brain tumour. I say embrace the inner spaz!!!!

Travel bug
I don't know what it is, but lately all I've been thinking about is how I can get the hell out of here and travel. All right, if I really want to delve deep inside to figure out why I'm consumed with thoughts of traveling then I have to admit that this is my way of dealing with life - I run. Perhaps I'm just looking for a way to avoid dealing with the hard stuff that is wearing me down lately. Okay - enough deep stuff. Let's talk about where I'd like to go:

1. South America - I don't know what it is about this continent, but it fascinates me. I have a friend who has done a lot of travelling through South America and all of the pictures that I have seen have been beautiful. I think that I'm going to investigate "volunteer vacations" in SA.
2. New Zealand - Again, looks like a beautiful country with the added bonus of people speaking English there.
3. Italy - #1 on my list of places to go. I would love to rent a little villa there in the summer and bring the boys.
4. Iceland - Surprised? My friend K suggested that I take the boys here for the summer solstice (20 hours of sunlight!) next year and she would meet me there. Seems like a fascinating part of the world.
5. Fiji, Indonesia, etc. - Exotic, warm, and beautiful (hmmm - I need a synonym for "beautiful").
6. Croatia and the Adriatic Sea - Looks undiscovered with lots of history. I could travel south from there down to Greece.
7. Europe - Take me anywhere! I would go back to any of the countries that I visited this past summer, plus would love to see Prague, Spain/Portugal, the rest of France, Germany .....
8. Latvia - I have to put this one down for my mom. It's her dream to bring her kids (and grandkids) to Latvia before it's too late. And I would love to get some insight into my mother - she loved this country and I think that leaving it behind almost destroyed her and my grandmother.
9. Japan - I'm sure that this tiny little crowded country would induce a panic attack of gigantic proportions, but I'm willing to take the risk.
10. Egypt and Jordan - For the history - pyramids, Petra .....

If I could take a year off of work, I'd take the kids out of school and we'd travel the world. They need to see that there is more to life than the tiny, little world that they inhabit. And hopefully they would grow up to be tolerant and accepting of others.

I need to find a sugar daddy .......

Commuting nightmares
There is nothing worse at the end of a long workday than to walk into Union Station to find it packed with angry commuters who find that their train has either been canceled or delayed. This happened to me today - thankfully I can take either a GO train or VIA, and VIA tends to leave on time and get me home (except for the day that the engine broke down and it took me 5 hours to get home - another story). My fellow coworker commuters and I devised a list of commuting behaviours from hell - here it is:

10 Things we Hate about Commuters
1. The people who push you out of the way to get on the train.
2. The people who stand at the door so nobody can get on/off without navigating around them.
3. The people who crank up their MP3 players so that everybody can hear their music.
4. The people who pick their nails, clear their throats incessantly, pick their face (no joke), clip their nails, put on their makeup (we're not just talking lipstick, but he entire face), snore, or any other unbelievably annoying habit that should only be done in private.
5. The people who have to stand on the train because there's no seats left, but instead think that it's okay to lean their ass against the back of your chair such that their ass is at your face level (I kid you not).
6. The people who read their newspaper and then throw it on the floor when they're done.
7. The people who cut right in front of you and then stand there when you're waiting on the platform.
8. The people who don't stand on the right when going up/down the escalator so that those of us who like to keep moving cannot walk up or down! (And don't tell me to take the damn stairs - just fucking move over.)
9. The people who don't wait for the passengers to exit before they board the train.
And finally .....
10. The people who are unaware that their bags or knapsack is actually knocking people out as they walk by because they are totally unaware of their surroundings.

Cultural competence
I have been asked to speak at International Week where I work - the topic is cultural competence. I wrote a paper after I did my faculty exchange in the Netherlands this past June, and it apparently sent a buzz around my building. That's the last time that I knock myself out to produce a quality product .....

So I've been sitting at my computer this morning trying to find interesting facts about different cultures so that my presentation isn't too boring. What the hell do I know about cultural competence? The premise of my paper and my talk is that our institution needs to do a better job at preparing our students for the multicultural patient population that they will be working with. Toronto is extremely diverse - pretty soon white, English speaking people will be the majority minority. I've done a lot of work with our ESL (English as a second language) students and I am horrified at how some of them are treated! I remember a comment that I received back when our program was just starting (about 6 years ago) - "can you send us some nice white students who have a name that you can actually pronounce?" Whoa.

Let's face it, we all have grown up with our own mental models and personal biases. How many times have you been pissed off at a really bad driver and thought "damn, must be a stupid Chinese person driving". Come on - admit it. Or made fun of how people from India talk ("birdee birdee num nums") or .... you get the picture. We all have these somewhat rascist stereotypes in us. When I was in Europe I was asked if I was American a lot - when I told people that no, I was Canadian the look of relief on their faces was very noticeable. I heard a lot of comments about "stupid Americans", and it wasn't just from the Europeans, it was from other travellers as well. Anyhow, the papers written about cultural competence in medical education have started to indicate that we need to have conversations with our students about the stereotypes that we carry around inside of us. I'm just trying to figure out a way to do this safely without getting a complaint lodged against me!

It's a miracle we survived!
To all the kids who survived the 60's and 70's ....

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking . As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolaid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.

And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound , CD's or Ipods, no cell phones! no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TODEAL WITH IT ALL!

If you are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS!

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Friday confessions .....
Hello, my name is Marta and I am an addict ("Hi Marta"). For the past five years, I have been addicted to computer card games. Solitaire, cribbage, poker ..... and more recently, Mah jong. I get high when I conquer the computer. I can sit for hours in front of my computer screen plotting and strategizing my next move. Sometimes I play for so long that my right hand has lost all circulation and warmth from clicking the damn mouse so much. I have tried to break free from my habit, but the cards always draw me back in. While my habit hasn't destroyed any relationships, sometimes I would rather deal with the cards (pardon the pun) than people. It's easy to hide in my basement when I know that the cards are always waiting for me.

I need help.

Labels
Somebody at work told me today that they thought that I was a snob when they first saw me (notice I didn't say when they first talked to me). Just to give you some context, I am taking a Leadership course at work and there are a number of different faculties and departments represented in the course. We were having a small group discussion at our table about how others perceive us, and the topic of shyness came up. When I told everyone that I am painfully shy and have been very misjudged in the past, this individual (whom I only knew by name - we have never had the chance to actually have a conversation) took it upon herself to tell me that she originally thought that I was a snob and "stand offish", so she was really glad that she had the opportunity to get to know me through the course.

While I respect the fact that it can't have been easy telling me her thoughts, I still feel hurt when I hear things like this. It doesn't help that I know that it's the other people who are reacting to my quiet personality by concluding that I must be a snob or a bitch or whatever choice word you want to throw at me, because they are feeling uncomfortable. I try so hard not to judge people and stick labels on them until I get to know something about them (and then I can call them a bitch ;). I hate being shy - I wish that I could be comfortable in any social situation or be the centre of attention every now and then. But I've been like this my entire life.

The more I thought about it, the more it bugged me. In fact, it bugged me the entire day. Did she ever try to talk to me or get to know me? No - never. I find that this happens more than it should in my workplace. It's like a little highschool all over again, filled with gossip and cliques. And the sad part is that some of the worst offenders are the people that are at the "top" and who you have to impress. It's hard to even want to impress somebody when they don't impress you.

So for everyone that thought that I was a snob or a bitch when they first met me, pardon my social awkwardness. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me.